Connection Crisis and The Role of Technology
Examining humanity's pressing crisis and how technology can reverse the exacerbating effects it created in the first place.
Never before have we been this connected as a species than we are today. An average person has hundreds to thousands of friends on social media. Endless stream of news and entertainment is at our fingertips 24/7. We can learn anything and virtually reach anyone on the internet. Yet, we’ve also never felt more disconnected.
Even before COVID-19, loneliness has been on the rise. A 2020 study reported that 45% of adults globally report feeling lonely on a regular basis, and Gen-Z, the supposed most connected generation, feels the loneliest of all. In a 2018 survey, 76% of respondents believed their country was becoming more divided, with 60% thinking it was getting worse than it was ten years ago.
With all the technological advances that allow us to stay connected to anyone, anywhere, why are people feeling more disconnected than ever?
Going Back To Our Root
This is not a new phenomenon. The disconnection we’re experiencing today is a result of a deviation from our natural habitat that began 300 years ago and is now only appearing as pronounced symptoms.
From the dawn of time, human beings have evolved to rely on connections with others. As hunters and gatherers, our ancestors had to work together to secure food, care for their families, and fend off the carnivores. Being together meant survival. Over time, natural selection rewarded us for forming connections with each other. Being social becomes part of out biology and as an evolutionary adaption to this, our body literally reacts to isolation with physical pain.
However, with the rise of technological advancements during the late Renaissance and the subsequent emphasis on individualism in Western culture, communities began to dissolve. The industrial revolution only accelerated this trend as people left their villages to work in factories. Ironically, the bigger cities grow, the smaller our connections become.
The thing is, our biology hasn’t caught up with the times. We’re still wired for those strong social bonds that kept our ancestors alive. But instead of valuing connection, we now prioritize individualism, materialism and consumerism. This disconnect between who we are as social beings and the society we’ve created is the root of so much loneliness, anxiety, and division in the world today.
Where Tech Goes Wrong
The exponential growth of technology is only exacerbating our disconnection. We now live in an attention economy where our attention becomes the most valuable commodity that big tech company monetizes. I’m deeply familiar with this in my five-year stint at Twitter and Google. The more time you spend on their platforms, the more money these companies make. They do this by showing us ads, and the more we view and engage with them, the more they profit.
As a consequence of this business model, tech giants hired the smartest data scientists, marketing whizzes, and engineers to optimize their products so we spend the most time on their platforms. From the endless scroll to the recommendation engines to the shade of blue that gets you to click, they’ve designed their products to exploit our deepest, most primal desires for instant gratification and dopamine spikes. We may think of ourselves as sophisticated beings, but deep down we’re still just animals susceptible to being hooked by the latest hit. And these companies are taking advantage of this primal trait of ours to keep us coming back for more.
In their defense, Zuckerberg and Page probably only wanted to make a (big) buck and they couldn’t have foreseen the systemic consequence of what they built. But now we’re seeing the collateral damage. Our reliance on social media is causing a chain reaction of problems — democracy in crisis, mental health in shambles, and human connection eroding. The documentary “The Social Dilemma” lays it all bare for us.
As we mindlessly scroll through our social feeds, our perception of reality twists. We start to believe that everyone around us is living the dream, while we’re stuck on the couch, scrolling through the highlight reels of their lives. We’re bombarded with images of impossibly perfect models, perfect accomplishments, and perfect moments. We compare these edited versions of reality to our own mundane existence. We start to feel inadequate and discontent, believing that we’re fundamentally different and inferior to those around us.
It’s not just our self-esteem that takes a hit. The algorithms trap us, feeding us more of what we like, creating a narrow and skewed view of the world that reinforces our existing beliefs and biases. This is why online discourse has become so polarized, with people unwilling to engage in meaningful debate and instead resorting to name-calling and hostility. We can only see what’s in our echo chamber, unable to step into the shoes of others and understand their perspective.
The digital world is also making it easy to forget that real people are behind the usernames we interact with. We’re quick to judge, label and reduce individuals to a single comment or post, ignoring the nuances and complexities of who they truly are. It makes it easy to say hateful things we wouldn’t dare say face-to-face, often disregarding the pain and hurt it may cause.
So while we may have access to more people and information than ever before, true human connection is slipping away from us. We’ve lost the ability to truly see ourselves in others, grasp their perspectives and feel empathy for their struggles. We have gained massive breadth but we are losing depth. We are in a crisis of deep human connection.
Why Care About Connection
Let’s take a step back and see why it is important to care about connection. Real connection.
The longest-running study on human development by Harvard has something to say about this. After following over 700 participants for over 70 years, the researchers found that the most critical factor predicting overall life satisfaction and well-being was not success or fame, but, you guessed it, connections. Those who are more socially connected, to friends, and community are happier, healthier, and live longer.
The study also emphasized that it’s not the number of connections that matters, but the quality of close relationships. Loneliness can still persist even in the presence of many people. The feeling of closeness to those in your life is what truly matters.
On the other hand, the study revealed the detrimental effect of isolation. People who are more isolated from others are less happy, their brain declines sooner and they live shorter lives. Another study by Julianne Holt-Lunstad found that loneliness is a major risk factor for premature death, and can be as dangerous as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
So, how important is connection? Turns out it’s pretty darn important. Connection is not just a nice-to-have luxury, it’s a necessity. Deep connection is the key to a flourishing and fulfilling life.
Beyond the impact on the personal level, I argue that the breakdown of human connection is the underlying cause of the most critical global problems of our time. From racism, extreme poverty to wars and ecological destruction, they are all rooted in our disconnection from each other.
The brutal truth is we all carry wounds as we navigate this life. In order to heal, we need to confront our pain and allow ourselves to be vulnerable in the presence of a supportive community and loved ones. But in a world where disconnection is the norm, many people resorted to masking their pain with distractions and escapism. By not attending to our own trauma, we become blind to the pain in others. When people can’t see a part of themselves in others, they can’t care. When people don’t care, it’s easy to not act and worse, cause harm to others. On a personal level, it can lead to destructive behaviors like disengagement and addiction. But when you take this to a global scale, it’s a recipe for widespread suffering and threats to humanity.
The Key To Genuine Connections
Despite how people keep turning their back on each other, I believe, deep down, we all still have the same, prehistoric l longing to connect, to be seen, and to feel that we belong. The cure to disconnection fundamentally lies in two key elements: empathy and vulnerability.
Everyone, be it homeless on the street or a celebrity who seems to have it all together, experiences universal human struggles — grief, anger, sadness, and losing loved ones. They might manifest in different forms but the essence of the experience remains the same. There’s always something in others that we can recognize in ourselves. This is a skill and awareness we can consciously choose to cultivate. Empathy allows us to see what we share and realize how much more connected we are than it seems.
Conversely, we can help others relate to us by cultivating the courage to be vulnerable. Instead of resorting to anger and blame, we can express how we truly feel. Instead of displaying only the pretty parts of our lives, we can be real and also reveal the ugly and messy side. When we expose parts of ourselves people can relate to, it shatters the walls that separate us and gives others permission to be real with us. This is the foundation of genuine human connections, and it is what will bring us back together and heal the divisions that have kept us apart.
The Bright Side of Technology
Tying this back to technology, it is important to realize that despite the notorious reputation that it has today, technology itself is not evil. It doesn’t have consciousness. It’s simply the extension of the consciousness of the creators. It’s the design and use of technology that determines its impact on society.
Although technology has played a role in amplifying our disconnection, it’s equally important to recognize the numerous ways in which technology has positively impacted humanity. From providing equal access to opportunities and connecting us with our communities to facilitating the spread of ideas and personalizing methods that cater to our individual needs, technology has had a profound impact on humanity as a collective.
One notable example is a study conducted in Australia that utilized VR technology to immerse people in a virtual coral reef. The study demonstrated the ability of VR to create a deep emotional connection between people and the environment, which led to an increase in their motivation to take action to protect it.
Similarly, meditation apps like Headspace and Calm have made it possible for people to find peace and calm in the midst of fast-paced city life, without having to physically isolate themselves. Online forums and community apps like Wisdo have provided a safe space for members of marginalized communities. LGBTQ+ individuals in Muslim countries, where homosexuality could be punished by death, is able to seek emotional support and find a sense of belonging online. The video platform I built, Warmspace, allows people to experience deep connections with complete strangers through our tech-enabled guided interaction. People who can’t afford therapy and have no trusted friends to can leverage our technology to experience healing wherever they are.
Even social media platforms like Twitter which have caused a lot of division have also played a significant role in mobilizing people for important causes. The Arab Spring, Black Lives Matter, and the #MeToo movement are just a few examples of the power of social media to bring attention to important issues and lead to real change in government policies
The list went on. So the question is not whether to push technology away. Because like it or not technology is here to stay. Technology will only continue the advance, exponentially. So, instead of rejecting technology, we need to embrace it. We can leverage it for the betterment of humanity.
So the real question is, how can we design technology in a way that promotes human flourishing? How can we encourage more of these positive examples? How can we use technology in a way that brings us together not divides us?
Creating Humane Technology
At the core of the issue, what needs to shift is the way technology is designed. While developing discipline and increasing our awareness of how we use technology is important, we must also recognize that this level of awareness can be difficult for many people to achieve. We are susceptible to influence and we are up against some of the smartest individuals hired to play with our minds.
Therefore, to create meaningful change on a large scale, the change needs to happen at the top. The creators of widely adopted social technology must take greater responsibility for how their products are used and consider the potential secondary and tertiary effects.
This is an unprecedented moment in history, with the well-being and sense of democracy on a global scale being shaped by a small number of powerful people in the technology industry. In response to these challenges, technology companies must shift their focus from growth metrics alone and consider the wider impact of their products on society. With great power comes great responsibility.
Center for Humane Technology is leading the charge in creating a more ethical and human-centered technology landscape. They have done outstanding work in establishing key principles and a foundation for designing technology that prioritizes human wellbeing and connection.
Here are my top three paradigm shifts:
Acknowledging Human Vulnerabilities: Rather than constantly feeding users with things they want, such as dopamine hits, confirmation biases, and validation, technology needs to take into account the vulnerabilities of its users. People are often not the best judges of what is good for them and can easily be influenced to make decisions that are not in their best interest. Products should be designed with these vulnerabilities in mind, making the right choices easier and more intuitive.
Focusing on Deeper Human Goals: instead of obsessing over metrics like engagement and retention, technology should prioritize the understanding and fulfillment of deeper human needs. This calls the need for measuring more things that matter like the improvement in relationships, the decrease in hate comments, and the overall well-being of users. By keeping the impact of technology on people’s lives at the forefront, creators can ensure they are serving the needs of humanity and not just driving clicks and screen time.
Nurture awareness: Instead of being solely obsessed with capturing user attention, technology should focus on cultivating awareness. By fostering an understanding of their relationship with technology, users can make more conscious and deliberate choices. This involves prompting reflection on how technology is being utilized and highlighting meaningful insights that drive healthy behaviors that can enhance their lives.
Let’s take a look at how these paradigms can be applied to the existing to promote greater awareness and empathy among users. Facebook can combat echo chambers by presenting a diverse range of news perspectives to users, tailored to when they are most receptive to alternative viewpoints. Slack can implement AI to guide users in considering the impact of their messages on their colleagues, encouraging more mindful communication. TikTok can incorporate mindful breaks into its platform by showing short mindfulness videos to users after prolonged periods of swiping, promoting physical and mental relaxation
With more and more influence that technology can have on our society, it’s becoming more critical for Big tech and a new wave of founders to consider these new design paradigms.
Own Technology, Not Have It Own Us
As much as the big tech carries the brunt, it would take a while for the whole industry to shift and we don’t have to wait idly in the meantime. We can start taking change into our own hands by being mindful of the way we use technology in our lives.
It all starts with cultivating awareness of our relationship with technology. Every time we reach for our devices, we can pause and ask ourselves: is this enhancing or hindering my connection with others and myself? Is it uplifting or depleting my energy?
Every time we find ourselves scrolling aimlessly through our feeds, comparing ourselves to others and feeling envious of their seemingly perfect lives, it’s a great opportunity to practice empathy. By reminding ourselves that behind the filtered vacation shots and curated feeds lies a life full of struggles, losses, and problems that we can also relate to, we can approach online interactions with a more compassionate lens. When we come across comments or opinions online that trigger us, we can remember that a single line of text does not define someone’s entire being. Instead, there may be deeper, universal experiences and emotions at play, such as fear, ignorance, or self-hatred.
While you’re using social media anyway, why not embrace authenticity and be real in your expression? Don’t just show the glossy highlights of your vacation, get real and spill the tea on the rough patches too. Share a raw, honest account of how you conquered a tough obstacle. Muster up the courage to take a stand on a controversial issue in a comment. It takes guts to be vulnerable and let the world see the authentic you, but that’s exactly what sparks meaningful connections with others.
And let’s not fool ourselves, a “like” on Instagram or a quick text message doesn’t equate to a real connection. There’s nothing wrong with it, just don’t mistake it as the type of genuine connection that nourishes us. True connection requires effort and intentionality. That means picking up the phone and having a real conversation with those closest to us. It means joining a community with shared interests. It means proactively organizing a gathering that brings people together. These are the connections that will actually enrich our lives and provide us with the support we need to thrive.
While we’re experiencing real connections, we need to train ourselves to be present. We’ve been so conditioned by the constant stimulation of technology that our attention span has become so short. Many can’t bear a few seconds of silence before they have to check their phone to get that dopamine hit. But it’s not too late to reclaim our focus and attention. Whether it’s through mindfulness practices like meditation or taking a digital detox, we can retrain our brains and reset our neural chemistry. So embrace the uncomfortable and boring moments, and give your loved ones the gift of your full presence.
Closing Words
The deviation from our nature, amplified by growing technological advancement has created a divide between people and has led to a global crisis of connection. However, this doesn’t have to be the end of the story. We have the ability to change the trajectory and develop technology that enhances human relationships instead of hindering them. As designers and developers, we have a responsibility to create technology with the well-being of users at the forefront. As users, it’s crucial that we become conscious of how we engage with technology and make choices that support our relationships and personal growth.
The cure for disconnection is not to reject technology, but to reclaim it. By harnessing the power of technology and making it work for us, we can cultivate a new generation of rich, meaningful relationships. But it all begins with a collective shift in consciousness, where we put human connection and values above all else. We must strive for a world where technology is not a barrier, but a bridge to the essential human need for social connection and fulfillment. Together, we can unleash the full potential of technology, to reach a scale where everyone can experience deep sense of belonging and work toward the flourishing of all humanity. One day, we can finally make John Lennon’s Imagine come true.